I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
