I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
