How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
