I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
