im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
