They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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