Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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