I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
