i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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