remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
