Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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