Tell her she can't have a vagina
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
