You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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