Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
