it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
