i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
