My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
