"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
