Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
