Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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