Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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