I just threw up on my dentist
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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