he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
