someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
