We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
