What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
