i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
