Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
