I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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