smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
