My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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