My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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