Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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