Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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