There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
