a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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