her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
