I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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