false alarm. still invincible.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
