forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
