No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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