Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
