He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
