shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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