My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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