If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
