so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
