another moral hangover. fuck.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
