Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
