Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
