yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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