im drinking this country out of the recession.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
When did angry sex become our thing?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
