the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
