Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
