Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
